~♦~
Rooted by a strong-willed family with a deep
connection to Mother Earth, supported by a tough
group of horse competitors, and driven by her
love of being horseback, Robin has accomplished
a truly amazing and unique recovery. Read more
about her journey in the following
autobiographical article, A Cowgirl Returns.
A Cowgirl Returns
by Robin Ross
I was raised on a ranch in Eastern Oregon on the
high desert. I knew that the weak would not
survive. The sick animal that does not come to
water and feed is not going to make it. My
people are strong people and we are close to
Mother Earth. I came from the Rodeo and then the
Horse Competition arena. It is a group of tough
competitors who are not afraid of work and
strife. Yet, you will find no more empathetic
group of people supporting a fellow member
striving to return from an injury, illness or
ill fate back to the world of horses. The horse
is a strong facilitator. I had to get my good
life back. Nothing else was acceptable. It is
quality and not quantity of life that matters.
The power of positive thought and positive
visualization are two main ingredients in the
recipe of wellness.
Take the time to remember what passion exists in
your injured loved one’s life prior to the
devastation and help them to regain the idea of
it.
On May 27, 1994 I was at a Quarter Horse show in
Caldwell, Idaho. The horse I was astride took an
unexpected fast fall onto his left side. I rode
him down. My head hit the hard packed ground
last with a whiplash affect. My neurosurgeon
later said it was similar to a watermelon being
tossed out of a window.
I received a severe traumatic brain injury. My
Glascow Coma Scale rating was a “3″. The scale
ranges severe “1” to a lessening degree of “15”.
I had an acute left epidural hematoma, a right
temporal contusion, a right frontal
intracereberal hematoma, and a right subdural
hematoma. These were my major closed head
injuries. My computer hard drive was wiped
pretty clean for a time. My neurosurgeon
told my parents there was a 5% chance of
recovery after the successful surgery was done.
I had an emergency left crainiotomy with
evacuation of the left epidural hematoma and
coagulation of two branches of the middle
meningeal artery.
I was in a coma and on life support for an
extended period. After the recovery time in the
hospital, I went on to the Idaho Elks’
Rehabilitation Hospital. I had to relearn hand
to eye coordination, relearn my speech and
mental skills. I had intense physical and mental
rehab. My center of balance was gone. I fell
often. I was kept tied in my bed and tied on
chairs and toilets. My vision was double and
unclear for nine months. The optic nerves did
reunite themselves. With help, time and
determination, I advanced from supine, to a
wheelchair to a belly band held by a support
person, to a walker, then cane and finally back
to my own two shaky legs.
I had a great and caring neurosurgeon, Dr.
Ronald Jutzy. I received excellent rehab care
and follow up. We used any and all suggestions
to the positive. A placebo works if you think it
does. I took homeopathics, acupuncture and any
other assistance available. We do not know for
sure what all helped. I would say everything did
as I believe in the power of a positive
attitude. I am on no prescribed drugs at this
time.
The major turning point for me came after months
of work. It was the seemingly small act of
getting back on a horse that reconnected me with
my life. Look for what your person needs and try
to supply that passion.
Maybe there is a NARHA in your area. They seem
to have huge success. Riding a horse is a close
to human travel as we can get while being
astride instead of actually moving yourself.
One day at home on the ranch, Dad saddled
Norman, one of our solid and dependable saddle
horses. He and my mother helped me to mount.
There I sat astride a horse, one parent walking
on each side. Slowly we rode on. How can I
describe my feelings of joy and freedom? With
Norman’s cadence I felt it was me who was
striding along. I was back in my realm. Once
again, I was using my body and my mind. I was
enjoying the physical and mental exercise. I was
outside, getting dirty and feeling fine and
visualizing huge successes.
A severe traumatic brain injury is an ongoing
recovery. If I tire, I become markedly less
competent in all ways. There are no two alike
brain injuries. Now, after more than ten years,
when I pace myself the limitations are nearly
gone. In my case, I can accomplish whatsoever I
honestly believe I can. I have wanted to reach
out and offer my story to help others travel the
same road. But, I have been hesitant as it does
pull me back to remember honestly and deeply the
depth of confusion and loss. Most people fixate
on what they can not do instead of rejoicing and
embracing what they can.
At the beginning, my confidence was zilch. I was
terribly disorientated, confused, scared and
limited in nearly all ways. Your brain does
control all body functions, thought and motor
skills included. My brain was damaged. With most
brain injuries, your mental processes are very
confused and your cognitive skills lessened.
After a time, I chose to perform and act and to
strive to be whomever and whatever was expected
of me. I tried to reach other people’s
expectations. I was lucky to be surrounded by
winners. I had to regain my confidence and
desire to be a capable woman as it was the only
option.
After more than ten years of recovery time, my
confidence level is high. Now, drat, I am
getting older. But, once again, I feel any
reasonable goal is attainable for me. I must not
neglect proper personal needs of rest, exercise
and good nutrition.
My biggest enemies are, stress, mental fatigue,
and physical fatigue. As long as I pace myself,
eat and drink properly, I can perform in
everyday life well. I was tested after the
injury and my IQ is 136. I
can think, possibly I analyze too
much. Some studies reflect that the higher IQ a
person has, the more likely it is that that
person will understand they MUST put out the
effort to get well. In my opinion it falls back
in the caregiver’s lap to provide the right
stimuli.
I must maintain my physical needs or I become
incapable. In my recovery process, staying
mentally tough has allowed my mind, therefore my
body to heal. The brain is your command center
and if it shuts down or even partially shuts
down all of your skills become impaired.
My friends, my family and support group gave me
the positive strength to return. They were not
negative nor pessimistic. They made me see full
recovery as the only acceptable option. I had
successfully competed in a tough venue before
the accident. I was and I am a National Reined
Cow Horse enthusiast. The people involved in any
competitive arena believe in winning both at the
show and at their home. Their support and
strength made me strong. My mother, especially,
kept providing the proper stimulus to encourage
me to strive to heal both mentally and
physically. I borrowed other people’s strength.
I rode on their toughness and encouragement
which helped me to dig deep enough to overcome.
My philosophy has been, “Instead of focusing and
commiserating on your losses, you should embrace
and celebrate your success; be they large or
small.”
In all honesty, I am still having problems
focusing in life and competition. We are what we
think we are – I am having trouble discarding
the image of myself as brain damaged. I will
have to get over it. Full recovery is up to me.
My life is not totally recovered. I am getting
there. In retrospect, this story sounds like a
Cinderella stage. In ways it has been and in
others it has NOT. No one has a continuously
paved road upon which to tread. It is a fact
that not every accident nor injury nor illness
can be completely overcome.
Although, I do believe everyone can improve
their lot in life and their time on this Earth.
My future plans are to seize the moment and
appreciate the good world and good times we live
in. Horses will always be a big part of my life
and a major reason to get up in the morning.
I am sure what goes around, comes around. I
would like to help others see a light at the end
of their travels. I do have an insight that ONLY
being disabled could give. LIFE IS GOOD — LIVE
IT LARGE!*
*I
have been successfully yet fearfully living and
competing since the accident. Life is
frightening. I have not been enjoying the
competition nor reaching my full capabilities as
I am afraid. Not a fear of getting hurt, but a
fear of lack of control. I was like a reed in a
whirlwind for quite some time. Now, I have an
insatiable need to be the master of my destiny
and self at all times. This is very restrictive.
Guess, I will have to get over it…
I am indebted to my family, my friends, Dr.
Ronald Jutzy and random lucky circumstances. The
aforementioned helped me gain the return of my
mind. With my functioning brain came back my
good life. Traumatic Brain Injury is a
devastating event. The advancement of the
medical world and of doctor’s skills allow more
people to survive. Mere survival is not
satisfactory. My personal goal throughout this
book is sharing my story. Let us unite, analyze
and create a road map for other brain weary and
broken travelers to navigate a return back to
their original selves.
Thank you to each valued and remembered person
that did reach out and helpfully forced me to
return. A long struggle, but with friends and
family as you, it was the only acceptable
option. I was lucky. Every brain injury is
different and not all can return completely.
But, I truly believe, with help, nearly every
person can improve their lot in life. Hope
should not be removed until all avenues are
exhausted. If this Cowgirl could
return many others can ride a similar trail.
Let us work to make this happen and see
Traumatic Brain Injury in a different light…
Robin Ross, Ben Johnson, John Ross & Vea Loy
Ross